Thursday, September 24, 2015

Dear Diary: TV Show climates

Dear Diary,

Look at this shit.

These photos are of the DVD case for a TV series called Brothers & Sisters starring Sally Field, Rob Lowe and Calista Flockhart that aired for - oh my god - FIVE SEASONS! I guess even the poor man's Parenthood can have a good run.

That's not the point. The point is, look at that second picture. Look at that shit. Pops has on a knit sweater over a collared shirt. Peter Parker has on a T-shirt an a faux-army heavy shirt or light jacket. Meanwhile, Long Tall Sally's hooters are peaking over the top of her negligee. That picture exemplifies a problem I have with many glossy TV dramas. What fucking climate are these people in? Someone in that picture is not dressed appropriately. If it's cold enough for a sweater with a shirt underneath, then it's too cold for the pink babydoll dress. If it's warm enough for the dress, then the two guys are too hot. I get that the pretty blonde lady has to show 1/3rd of her breasts to draw in the crowds. But then put the guys in T-shirts.

This happens in a lot shows with vaguely defined settings that reduce the amount of thinking the writers have to do when they're in a pinch. We need to be able to use the LL Bean fall line, so they're definitely in a place that has fall. But not too cold, we don't want to hide everyone in bulky winter coats. Oh, but there should be snow for the winter episodes. It should be small and quaint enough that the town has some kind of festival every season. But it has to have three high schools, so we can have big rivalry football games. I started watching Pretty Little Liars from the beginning, and the main group of girls are extremely concerned with getting a bad reputations. One of their mothers even says "you know how quickly gossip spreads in this town," implying that everyone knows everyone business. Something that only happens in smaller towns. But wherever they are has a mall. Which is it, Pretty Little Liars? Are you in an adorable small town where everyone's up in your shit, or are you in a city that can sustain a Sunglass Hut? You don't get to be both. Same for you Brothers & Sisters. In what climate are those three people wearing those outfits simultaneously? Tell Grandpa and Jimmy Olsen to lose a layer.