Dear Diary: Wanna Be Your Super Hero

Dear Diary,

I was thinking about the television program Entourage, as I frequently do, while pining for someone to hug it out with. Or someone with whom out I might hug it, if you're a stickler for grammar. One of the fun things that would happen on that show was celebrities would appear as themselves. During the end credits you would see: Guest starring Kanye West as Kanye West, Jessica Alba as Jessica Alba, Gary Busey as Gary Busey, Brooke Shields as Brook Shields. It was a fun treat for the viewers, to be sure, but it also added to the show's already impeccable realism of the Neo-Golden Age Hollywood we currently live in (or near). "Hey, there's Chuck Lidell," you'd think, "appearing as himself, the MMA fighter. Chuck Lidell is an MMA fighter in my universe AND in Vinny, E, Turtle, and Drama's universe. It's like they're gallivanting in the same world in which I'm a corporate cog." It allowed you to become even more absorbed in the gang's hijinks, knowing that they too had a Bob Saget fucking prostitutes with money earned from your Friday night family time.


But there was a twist to this. Entourage would also have well-known actors and actresses playing characters other than themselves. Val Kilmer appeared as The Sherpa, a weed growing hippie guru type. Leighton Meester portrayed Justine Chapin, a pop star who trades in virginal sexuality. In Entourage: The Movie, Billy Bob Thorton and Haley Joel Osment play a father and son duo named Larsen and Travis McCredle. This begs the very obvious question: Do all of the celebrities playing other roles still exist for Vince and the Boys?If Brooke Shields exists in Entourage Land, does Val Kilmer? Does Terrance McQueuwick's existence preclude that of Malcolm McDowell? If so, who was in Clockwork Orange and Caligula in the Entourageverse? When Turtle watches Bad Santa, who is the titular ill-mannered Kris Kringle? Jim Carrey? In Entourage: The Movie, does Vince leave his meeting with Larsen McCredle thinking "Man, he looks just like Billy Bob!"

Does Entourage exist in a universe where some of the celebrities we know don't exist but most of them do? Or in the Entrouageverse is every character played by a real celebrity the identical twin of that celebrity? That's going to be my headcannon. In Entourage Dan Castellaneta's twin brother is the principal at a Hollywood private school.

These are the thoughts that plague me late at night as the minutes slip from my future and my past piles up behind me.

love,
Dennis

p.s. Oh YEAAAAAH! Oh YEAAAAAAAH!

Dear Diary: TV Show climates

Dear Diary,

Look at this shit.

These photos are of the DVD case for a TV series called Brothers & Sisters starring Sally Field, Rob Lowe and Calista Flockhart that aired for - oh my god - FIVE SEASONS! I guess even the poor man's Parenthood can have a good run.

That's not the point. The point is, look at that second picture. Look at that shit. Pops has on a knit sweater over a collared shirt. Peter Parker has on a T-shirt an a faux-army heavy shirt or light jacket. Meanwhile, Long Tall Sally's hooters are peaking over the top of her negligee. That picture exemplifies a problem I have with many glossy TV dramas. What fucking climate are these people in? Someone in that picture is not dressed appropriately. If it's cold enough for a sweater with a shirt underneath, then it's too cold for the pink babydoll dress. If it's warm enough for the dress, then the two guys are too hot. I get that the pretty blonde lady has to show 1/3rd of her breasts to draw in the crowds. But then put the guys in T-shirts.

This happens in a lot shows with vaguely defined settings that reduce the amount of thinking the writers have to do when they're in a pinch. We need to be able to use the LL Bean fall line, so they're definitely in a place that has fall. But not too cold, we don't want to hide everyone in bulky winter coats. Oh, but there should be snow for the winter episodes. It should be small and quaint enough that the town has some kind of festival every season. But it has to have three high schools, so we can have big rivalry football games. I started watching Pretty Little Liars from the beginning, and the main group of girls are extremely concerned with getting a bad reputations. One of their mothers even says "you know how quickly gossip spreads in this town," implying that everyone knows everyone business. Something that only happens in smaller towns. But wherever they are has a mall. Which is it, Pretty Little Liars? Are you in an adorable small town where everyone's up in your shit, or are you in a city that can sustain a Sunglass Hut? You don't get to be both. Same for you Brothers & Sisters. In what climate are those three people wearing those outfits simultaneously? Tell Grandpa and Jimmy Olsen to lose a layer.

love,

Dennis